Deborah Tannen wrote a piece in The New York Times, 11/29/09 on “Donahue Talked, Oprah Listened” https://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/29/opinion/29tannen.html.  In it she makes the point that Oprah took what Donahue had done to pioneer the daytime TV format to a whole new level by leveraging her genius to connect with people and create “Rapport-Talk”.

While none of us may ever approach the mastery of this that Oprah has, each of us should invest to get as good as we can.

Implications for onboarding:

1) Early on, relationships trump results. Rapport-talk trumps results-talk.

2) Rapport-talk must be two-way. Listen first. But it’s not enough for new hires just to listen. They must share something of themselves as well.

3) Connection comes out of interaction. Two-way conversation is necessary, but not sufficient. Connections happen when two people care about what the other is saying, thinking and feeling.

So, whether you’re onboarding into a new role or bringing someone in to work for you, invest in building rapport with people you care about.  If you don’t care about them, don’t try to fake it.  It won’t work.  But if you do care, communicate beyond words to dig into each other’s thoughts and feelings.

George Bradt – PrimeGenesis Executive Onboarding and Transition Acceleration