William Ury's TED talk on "The Walk from "no" to "yes"" is compelling.

In it, he makes the assertion that most, if not all, conflict between two people or two peoples can be resolved by going to the "balcony" or bringing in a "third way" perspective.  He suggests that the "third way" is us, the greater community.

Another way to look at this is to ask "who cares?" 

If we do or do not resolve this conflict, whose lives are going to be changed? 

In what way?  Does it matter? 

Is that change more important than the issues that are keeping us from resolving our conflict?

Almost by definition, onboarding involves conflict.  Onboarding is all about a new person being added to the team.  It is inevitable that there will be some posturing and jockying for position.  The team has to go back through Tuckman's stages of storming, forming, norming, and performing. 

As people go through the storming stage, it's important for them to "go to the balcony" from time to time to find the "third way" perspective.  Ideally, that "third way" will be anchored in the organization's purpose.  That purpose should provide the answer to "who cares?"